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Revive Her Drive

por Rosaria Rosaria (2020-08-07)


Many parents have Revive Her Drive learned, through their own childhood history that talking to your children is better than talking with them. How many times have you told your child that he is capable and smart? Is he listening anymore? Parent's who lecture, moralize, give advice and pressure their children in an effort to facilitate change, eventually find their children tuning out. As their children pretend to be listening and give the right answers, parents may continue their verbal assault with more intensity. In response, the child may become passive-aggressive and react with verbal and behavioral paybacks. I always tell parents, it's not a matter of what's right or wrong in communicating, it's about what works. Advising and reminding your children regarding what they "ought" to be doing to improve their lives is generally self-defeating. For children who demonstrate irresponsible behavior, non-evaluative exploration coupled with reasonable consequences (if necessary) is a more effective strategy for reaching meaningful goals. Telling your children what they ought to be doing to improve their life actually lets them off the hook. When the parent does all the talking, pressuring, coercing, and scolding, the child learns to conveniently avoid his problems. A child may give lip service to what is said by his parents and then continue down the same self-defeating path. Non-evaluative exploration is a technique designed to box a child in, to hold the child responsible for making personal value judgments about behavior. Rather than the parent making the behavioral evaluations, the child is asked to make those judgments. For example, rather than telling your child what you expect him to accomplish at school, pose some questions that makes your child think about the quality of what he is doing rather than focusing exclusively on grades.

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